I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I CAN MOONWALK!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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