Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
