i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
