There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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