Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
