We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize