thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
