Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
