If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
