To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
