Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
