Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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