I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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