Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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