He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
