doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
