I hate your face
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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