I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize