remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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