well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
