My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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