Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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