I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
