Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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