My sheets look like a crime scene.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
