did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she smelled like a LAN party
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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