see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
