new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
