Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
