My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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