You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize