She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
