guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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