Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
