I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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