I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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