If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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