I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
