You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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