at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
