its not stalking. its research.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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