hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
