nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pants are for mortals
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
