is your mom at the bar?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
