you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize