I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
