I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
