yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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