i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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