I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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