New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
