Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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