he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
