There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
