Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He has the fingertips of a God
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
