I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
