Porn is love you can see.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
