at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
