Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
