we're blogging at a bar
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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