meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
