My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
