There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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