you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
