I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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