I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
