We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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