I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
