There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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