At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
