I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
