It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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