I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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