Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is Oprah even human
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
